How Fear of Making a Mistake Limits Your Success

If you are thinking about leaving your job, starting a business, or expanding your business, I'll just bet you may be experiencing some fear of making a mistake.

For instance, have you ever experienced this?

You have an idea - a good idea that you're excited about. Then maybe you think: "I could turn this idea into a book - and then into DVD's or maybe even a multi-media project.  Maybe I could add graphics and special effects. Wait!! I don't know how to do any of that.  I don't even know if there is a market for this, and I don't know how to find out. Probably no one wants it anyway. What am I thinking!!”

This all happened in a split second.  And now you're feeling stuck because you've run out of ideas. And, you are terrified to make a decision for fear it will be the wrong one, and, you feel awful about yourself because you can't seem to make any progress.

This "fear of making a mistake pattern" is "perfectionism at work."  Perfectionism is an addiction to lack.  That's why perfectionists struggle to succeed.  The perfectionist only sees what isn't there, what they don't know, what the problems are. They will argue for their limitations. They will explore all the possibilities for making mistakes. Their lives and businesses are filled with "Not Enough".....not enough confidence, decision-making, and risk taking resulting in not enough clients, support, staff, and income. You may even think: "Why can't I get it  right!"

Now, we all have moments of feeling inadequate.  This "not enough" comes from fear, uncertainty, insecurity, and terror of making decisions in case they're wrong, and we learned it early on in childhood no matter how stellar our parents may have been.  Many of us may not have had anything close to the ideal upbringing, and we are still viewing our lives and work through those younger eyes.

I have certainly experienced this for myself, and realized at one point, I was trying to run a grown up business with a 5 year old emotional body.

So here are a few tips to break the cycle:                                                     

•     Recognize you are afraid, but understand it is NOT the smart, savvy, experienced adult person you are, but a very scared 5 year old.  (Yes, you do have a very adult side to you.)  But, treat yourself with gentleness and respect just like you would any young child. If you are critical, that part of you will shut down even more, and your business can really stall. Like it or not, the child in all of us runs our world, so be kind.

•      Lower your expectations.  Keep it light.  Experiment often. One of my favorite quotes is from a former coach of mine:   Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.  She also told me that if I wanted to be successful there is no room for perfectionism. I have found that to be sage advice.

•      The More Mistakes, the More Success.  Mistakes are just experiments that didn't turn out as expected. Major industries have evolved from big mistakes. In 1970 Spencer Silver at 3M was told to make a strong glue, but it was a tragic failure because he only produced this slightly sticky substance, which is now known as Post-It Notes, 3M's most successful product.

Ruth Wakefield, proprietor of the Toll House Inn, was having trouble with her cookies and added some broken pieces of chocolate that, to her surprise, never melted properly in the batter. Voila!  The chocolate chip cookie was born and was named after her inn and is still the most popular cookie in the world providing jobs to thousands of workers.  You get the idea.  The list of success from mistakes is very long.

•    Take it Slow.  If you have a great idea, or any idea, get support from other people so you don't race into the "What- made- me- think- I- could-do- this- so- it's- over" mode. Run it past trusted advisors, a coach or mastermind group so they can help you break it down into pieces and talk you off the ledge. You need support and soothing, and most of us just can't do it for ourselves. 

•     Any Action Creates Momentum.  Just keep focused on what you want and take tiny steps. You don't have to do everything overnight. Actually the big approach usually slows us down because we get scared. With smaller steps, you can easily self-correct.  You're less likely to make big errors, but action, ANY action creates momentum. It doesn't have to be big or bold; just consistent.

And, one day, you'll realize you have achieved a goal, and it was so imperfect and non-stressful that you will actually wonder how it happened!!  Here's to achieving your success and enjoying all its imperfections!

GOT A BIG DILEMMA? GO SMALL…. by Mary Lyn Miller

Have you had the experience of not knowing what to do next, so you just try to do a whole bunch of stuff, hoping against hope something is going to work? 

You read articles, watch videos, listen to teleclasses looking for the BIG IDEA that will make the big difference. 

You are smart and trying your best, working hard, and very busy, but you're not getting the results you want - and you feel frustrated. 

You start feeling like you're not good enough, that you're failing, and that's a dangerous path.  You may lose faith you can get what you want!

Yes, it happens to almost everyone, so it if it's happening to you, you are not alone.

One of the problems is that while we seek the BIG IDEA, it doesn’t really work.  I have talked about how your brain is not wired for big change - no matter how much YOU want it!  Your ego craves a "big breakthrough," but your brain isn't all that interested!  It wants it small otherwise it is simply too frightening .and you will begin to resist immediately.

Where do you begin?

                       

The last thing you need to do - even though you think it’s what you are supposed to do - is TRY harder.  In fact, you need to STOP "trying," relax, and use some different tools. 

Here are some simple tools that can help:

·         Write down everything that’s on your mind on your IPad, computer or a plain old yellow pad (my tool of choice.)

·         Don’t segment personal and professional life initially; just write stream of consciousness!

·         Start to see what the patterns are and categorize by what is critical and what can wait for a short period, and what needs way more info to pursue.

·         Get feedback from a trusted associate, coach or advisor. You need to know what’s on your mind, but you need additional minds to see new perspectives. As Einstein said, “You cannot solve your problems with the same mind that created them.” solve big problems!

·         Get an accountability partner or mastermind team.  Progress seems to require that you have to check in…somewhere.  We don’t do well left to our own devices.

·         Commit to the smallest possible step.  (No, not large ones.) Small steps are life changing. Save your poor brain from being overwhelmed.

Let me know what steps work best for you and how going small can solve big problems!

What's the First Step to Leaving Your Job?

Jane (not her real name) is sitting in her corporate cubicle wondering:

 “This is not a horrible job, and I like the steady money – I NEED the steady money – but it’s kind of mind numbing and I just don’t feel like I’m doing something that’s going to make a real difference to anyone.  This can’t be my life purpose, but I have no idea what else I can do so how am I ever going to get out of this job?  Should I make a career change? Should I start a business? I have no idea where to even begin.”

If you share Jane’s pain, this is a common dilemma.  You’re pretty sure you don’t want to continue on your present path, but how do you carve out what you DO want to do?

Willingness to have some Clarity is the first step to moving forward. Some people are afraid to get some clarity for fear that once they do, it will be required that they turn their lives upside down. Not true, because transition can take a long time, but you have to know vaguely where to aim your energy to get started.

Vaguely is the clue. You don’t have to know everything, but you do need a sense of the “essence” of what moves and inspires you.  Some of the signs to look at are what you enjoyed as a child.  Were you creative?  Were you a Lego kid who loved to build things? Were some of your best moments outdoors, in nature, or indoors playing house?  Did you have hopes and dreams that seem far away now?

Think it’s silly?  That little person is probably closer to who you truly are than what you are doing today.  You may be older, but the spirit of that kid is still inside you and always will be.  Try to remember times you were excited, stimulated or happy.

Maybe you were discouraged from doing things you loved (“you’ll never make any money doing art, find something that will be practical and make money.”) Or something uncomfortable happened when you expressed yourself so you decided to get a safe job and avoid that trauma.

Of course, there is more than childhood to look at – and that’s what I do when I work with someone is to take account of past, present and future; then get them much clearer about what will definitely work and what really doesn’t. But childhood is a great place to start.

As you start to get more of a sense of your inner passions, just BEGIN to go in that new direction.  Don’t think about a job or business yet, stay at your desk, but start doing things that have the potential to be fun. Experiment, take classes, and discard what doesn’t work. If you always follow what has energy, a passionate path will emerge.

Let me know what works for you and what you’re finding out!

Foolish Career or Business Mistakes - and How to Avoid Them

In honor of the upcoming April Fool’s Day, I am asking clients, friends and associates like you to share a foolish career or business mistake that taught you something important, and how things are different now and how you would advise others.  It’s important that you feel good about it now or can laugh at it.  This is meant to share and teach; not be critical of yourself. 

I will share some of them on my April Fool’s Complimentary First Monday teleconference at 6:30 PDT, and hopefully, some of you will be on to share your story personally.  I will introduce you and ask what you do and how to reach you!  Good promo!  (But only if you’re OK with that.) 

One of the more foolish (and expensive) errors in judgment I made early on was spending a lot of money to conduct a workshop to which nobody came.  I had elaborate promotional brochures and materials, a deposit on a meeting room in a great hotel at the airport, and food and drinks ordered. I’m telling you it was really extraordinarily well organized!!!!  But no one registered.  I was devastated.

However, I learned to the value of pre-testing my market! I just had the wrong slant on my subject and my audience didn’t relate to it – something I could have easily fixed with a few targeted conversations, a focus group or one round of www.surveymonkey.com.  

I see a lot of this with product launches – time and money spent on a information product our clients don’t really want.  It is not what they NEED that makes them buy – it is what they WANT.   Take the time to know and monitor your client's  real concerns and what excites them. When you are clear about that sweet spot, it’s money in the bank!  That's what I learned. 

Now, it’s your turn.  Let me hear from YOU.  I can’t be the only one……….

 

(P.S.  Register for the free call at http://bit.ly/YIV26M 

 

 

 

Lower Your Risk for Risk Taking

Many of my clients could have saved themselves a lot of anguish if they had come to me sooner.  In fact, one of the most common phrases I hear after the first session is “Wow, I really should have done this a long time ago."  But, I know why it takes whatever it takes.

For instance, what holds you back from exploring new ideas, approaching your boss for a raise, changing careers, or transitioning into your own business? Fear of risking. Most of us allow the fear to completely overshadow the possibility of far greater happiness and success.

But, if .you do not risk, your life (and career and relationships) become stagnant. Are you bored? Discontent?  It’s a clear signal you aren’t risking enough.

Here are simple tips to lower your risk of risk taking:

1) Don’t take stupid risks.   This is a risk where the possibility of a positive outcome is limited.  Think lottery. Gambling. People who are terrified to invest a few hundred dollars to invest in personal career development will, however, spend $10-50 a week on the lottery where there is a million in one chance of a return on investment.  That adds up to $500-$2500 a year….money you could have spent on risks that would have produced a far more positive result.

2) Risk on positive the outcomes.  Always look at what you’re going to WIN, not LOSE, and stay focused on that.  Focusing on the fear only produces more fear.  For instance, asking for a raise or a different opportunity at work has within it great possible outcomes.  The worst thing that can happen is that they say no, but you may have planted a seed for the future, nonetheless. The positive far outweighs the negative consequences. Other examples are taking a new class where the worst case is you won’t learn anything (highly unlikely) or going to a networking event to meet new people (and you don’t meet anyone) ….but remember, you may meet that great contact that can offer a job or bring you business!

3) Risk in small steps. You don’t start running with a marathon. Risking is a practice.  You want to work about 1-2 inches outside of your comfort zone.  Staying in your comfort zone will keep you – and your life – boring and stuck. If you take too big a risk at one time, you can shut yourself off emotionally. Maybe the first steps to the marathon is running 30 minutes 3 or 4 times a week and then building up to a 5K which eventually leads you to a marathon.  Find others who want to run, and slowly you will be ready .to take the bigger risk.

4) Risk consistently and often.  Be accountable. Risk is a muscle. The more you take small risks and move them to bigger risks, the stronger your muscle and ability to take risks in all areas of your life.  In our mastermind teams, we take the 2 week approach – a minor upgrade and commitment every 2 weeks, and then you become accountable for that action in the next meeting to your support team. People have moved mountains, built businesses, tripled their income, and dealt with devastating life events through this process.

Find a place to be accountable regularly and you will discover you have significantly expanded your ability to risk – and it wasn’t even scary!