Sunday, December 17, 2017

Goals Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

Have I just said the most blasphemous statement ever!!  Isn't the American ethic all about setting and achieving goals? And I'm a coach with over 2 decades of helping people achieve their dreams! How can that be?
Goals are often done at the wrong time for the wrong reasons and it sabotages the process.  There are more important first steps that a lot of people never take - and find themselves frustrated when they consistently fall short of accomplishing what they they had hoped. Here's the order I recommend:

1) PURPOSE:  This is your "Why" and is the core of what motivates you. You can set goals, write them on your calendar, and murmur affirmations until the cows come home, but if it doesn't excite you at the very center of your being, they are not going to materialize in any way that is going to be really rewarding to you.  When I work with people this is always where I being: what is your Core Essence!

2) CONNECTED: Whatever you choose to move forward on this next year has to be deeply connected to you.  According to Max Bazerman, Professor of Business Administration at Harvard University, "people create goals that are disconected from their deeper feelings, values and passions and create out of need, frustration, desire to please, or just because they think it is a goal they should have."  It can result in  depression and hopelessness. For this reason Bazerman has said, "the harmful side effects of goal setting for both individuals and organizations are far more serious...than prior work has acknowledged."  Yes, "hazardous to your health."

3) VISION:  This is when it gets juicy!! This is the process that allows you to feel those feelings, how it will satisfy you, and sets some parameters about when and where it will happen.  Yes, it's visual, but true visioning is far more than vision boarding!  Everyone is a visionary, but we all process it differently.  When I teach visioning, it's from a few different perspectives. But a well connected vision is a gold mine.

4) STRATEGIES:  This is the straegic part of how you are going to take all this information and decide on a path to get where you want to be. But at least now you know where you're going.

5) GOALS:  Here it is!!  There is a place for goals - but it's not in the beginning!  Goals are the markers you are going to set on your path to be sure you're staying in the right direction.  But goals are a measure of strategies which are created by implementing your vision - a vision that is deeply connected to you and your "Why!"
Because I personally have had some amazing results from visioning, I am devoting more of my focus to it this year for both myself and my clients.  It does take more than just a vision board or writing goals. Those are incredibly helpful tools, but there are some simple things that can work wonders once you understand the science of why all this works - and have had significant experience of it working. 

We just don't know how to keep it consistently working! 

Because Community is one of the major tools and you want to join a visioning conversation on my private Facebook group, ask to be my friend or if you're on Facebook ask for entrance to the group at

I find this such a vast and rewarding subject, and if you're interested in being a part of a dynamic mastermind focusing on the tools of creating an amazing life and business in 2018 through personal and community visioning techniques, just let me know you'd like to have  conversation with me at  (It will be conducted on Zoom video.)

Meanwhile, enjoy the remainder of 2018 and have a wonderful holiday!

Mary Lyn Miller, CEO
Fired Up for Success Mentoring and Masterminds!

Monday, November 20, 2017

The Gratitude Game

The Gratitude Game
by Mary Lyn Miller

As Thanksgiving approaches, we often think about gratitude, and while I have published this before, I am often asked to do it again.  And as we are looking forward to a new year and new visions and goals, it's important to be grateful for what we have first before we race to move on!

While your probably view yourself as thankful for your blessings, we determine what we believe to be a "blessing" and what is not.  However, some of your greatest blessings may not initially look all that positive in the beginning.  For instance, my experiencing Cancer is what turned my life around and opened the door to a good health consciousness and rewarding life work.  Today I always give thanks for the gift of Cancer, but at the time it was fearful and overwhelming. The first thing to understand about gratitude is that it is not a selective process.


The Gratitude Game begins with the premise that genuine thankfulness begins with being grateful for everything..yes, absolutely EVERYTHING in your life.

These are the steps to the Game:

1.    Make a list of anything you perceive as positive in your life. The people who love you are a good start. Anything good about your work, your relationships, special advantages or support you've received, anything nice someone else has done for you.  Just write down everything you can think of that is good about your life. Be truly grateful for it.

2.    Next write down everything ordinary that you take for granted: the roof over your head, your sight, your hearing, the ability to chew, your health, the warm California climate (you can tell I'm from the Midwest) and so forth. When you really think about it, there are so many small, inconsequential conditions that conspire to create a good lifestyle.  This is a good time to recognize them.

3.    Finally, write down any painful, uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and events, some of which may feel uncomfortable or difficult right now…and get grateful for them.  Why? This is how we learn the lessons of life. No one said it was all going to be easy.  But, gratitude opens you up. It helps you release the resistance (oh, why did this have to happen to me?) and embrace your difficult circumstances and allow the most good to come from them.  What creates your reality is not what happens to you, but how you RESPOND to what happens to you.  Life does have challenges, but there is a positive side for each and every one of them.  Be grateful for the gift inside of every heartache even if you can’t see it right now.

4.    Give thanks for those blessings that are on the way. Feel them coming. Expect success.  Expect the best and be grateful for it.

After completing this little game, how do you feel?  

Everyone who plays is a winner because I'll tell you a secret, gratitude allows you to receive more; it is the foundation of all abundance. An open, gracious heart is a powerful magnet for good. Money, opportunity, and joy flows toward gratitude.  Try it and see.

It will prepare you for a glorious Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Giving Without Expecting to Receive - and Receiving Even More!

Hello to Fired Up Spirits:

While my work is not exclusive to business owners, I spend a lot of time with business mavens of one type or another.  The subject is often about what you need to do to ‘GET RESULTS.’  The end game seems to be pretty consistently the focus.  I’m not saying results should be ignored, but since everything produces some kind of result – maybe we could embrace a kinder – and more effective - strategy.

One of my favorite gurus, Deepak Chopra, talks about the “Law of Giving and Receiving,”

“The universe operates through dynamic exchange . . . giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.”

Crazy, huh??!!  This is obviously the stuff for great spiritual minds, but wait!!  I belong to Business Network International  (BNI)  founded by business marketing expert, Ivan Meisner, Ph.D.,  and the slogan is “Givers Gain.”  Meetings are focused on what we can do for other members, not just ourselves.  Statistics seems to indicate those who give the most are the ones who receive the most business referrals.


If you find yourself stuck, reach out to help someone else. It will help you think about yourself less and get involved in something that may spark an idea that helps you.  Like Deepak says, the more we give, the more we receive.

Below is a way of giving that you can join led by my dear friend and client, Dr. Virginia Green, a marriage and family therapist who founded Stillwater Global to find ways to serve the overwhelming needs of the women of Uganda who have no access to therapists, counselors, teachers to help these often abused and raped women ripped from their families in a war-torn nation.  She is taking a second group of those who want to provide service – and learn about Africa – to teach these women how to help each other.  The last time she helped them start businesses.  She is a perfect example of what I am talking about.  

She is not doing it to build her business; she is doing it out of sense of “calling,” – and it’s a beautiful thing.  But incidentally, she flourishes.
Where do YOU need to be giving?  What touches you?  What do you want to be different?  We all do this in different ways – it is the ACT of giving that creates and open and abundant heart, and I wish that for you in every way.

More on Stillwater Global:  

If you have been attracted to Africa – or to wanting to be of greater service  - this is a great opportunity!  Reservations to be confirmed September 2017.

If you have just wanted to learn more and live near Redondo Beach, Dr. Green is conducting educational forums the last Sunday of every month until they leave.  For practicing therapists, 35 hours of CEUS are available for MFT’s, LCSW’s and LPCC’s in California.

Too far away to drop in?   For more info or to make a small donation : 

Friday, June 30, 2017

Happy July 4th!! How Independent Are You ?

As we head into our 241st celebration of American independence, what can be more “red white and blue” than entrepreneurship?  After all, we are founded on the dedication to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”   There is no doubt in my mind that nowhere else in the world is better soil to grow a creative entrepreneurial venture.                                                  
I am thrilled to say women have entered this arena once dominated by our forefathers and, according to Forbes, as of 2017 the rate of female entrepreneurs has been growing at a percentage at least double that of our male counterparts.
For all of this good news, I caution readers to assess how much independence you really have. 

 I find many of my clients have not only bought the American Dream, but also believe you must be constantly working hard, ever-vigilant, hyper-available, and often exhausted.  This is especially true of the women who care deeply and want to make a difference in today’s topsy-turvy world. 
How much freedom do you have really in your work or business?  

Here are some simple questions to ask yourself: 

1)      How long has it been since you’ve taken at least 1 week off – with minimal texting?  (More than 6 months may be a problem -you need off time for your brain to function properly.)

2)      Are your relationships with friends and family strained because you are always “so busy” they hesitate to ask you anymore?

3)      You don’t know what to put in that line that says “hobbies & outside interests” because you don’t have any?

4)      You’re not eating as well as you could and exercise is running between your computer and printer….

The list is endless - you get the idea.  This has been me more times than I want to tell you, however, it was a long time ago and I feel compelled to advocate for your freedom – even if you can’t see it yet.  

In this month of independence I’m going to address this again and will also be offering a free “mini-book” to offer some very specific strategies for you, so watch for it!

And have a very happy and independent July 4!  Let your freedom ring!

Mary Lyn 🎆🎇🎈

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

As I am just returning from some downtime with one of my longtime BFF's whom I haven't seen in awhile, I am reminded of how important vacation is not only for my personal health, but also for my business!

How high a priority is taking a vacation?  Are you waiting until “things calm down” or are more “under control?”  Maybe when you have more money?  Stop that right now!

Vacations are critically important not only for your health and well -being, but also for your ability to be creative and productive and those who are self- employed and on the more entrepreneurial track are especially difficult to convince to take the time – and you probably need to be doing it more often than you are.

There is a misguided perception that if you stay in town, it will improve your business.  Not true.  Why?

1)      Your brain needs downtime to run efficiently.  Your brain cannot go 100% or it will break down. You don’t let your vacuum cleaner run day after day; your brain needs to be off as well.  It needs to re-boot to function properly and keep your business refreshed!

2)      Time away produces the “happiness” chemical of serotonin which increases your sense of well- being and promotes creativity.  Richard Branson says that anyone who does not come home from vacation with a few better ideas for their business has bigger problems.

3)    Vacation makes you feel refreshed and energized.  Changing your everyday routine and getting some truly restful sleep can give you more energy to look at your challenges with a fresh perspective and return home ready to tackle your goals.

4)      Sound crazy?  The accounting firm of Ernst and Young did a study on the productivity of their employees and found that those who took extended vacations produced at least 8% better than those who skipped vacations.

So, if you want to really be productive this year, pack your bags!!

PS:  Let me know what YOUR vacation plans are this year!