Are We Having Fun Yet?

As I did my own visioning for this year and had to come to a startling realization: I haven’t been having as much fun as I could – and I am a FUN girl!

But like most many service provider/entrepreneurs, my priorities have been servicing my clients, attracting new clients, and learning more about expanding my business. I have carefully scheduled in my family, working out, personal development, and those things which will seemingly give me a higher quality of life.

Despite my best efforts, I admit something has been missing. As we look at the different areas of our lives, where is the slot that says “Giggling, spontaneity, joy with no goal, creative expression, silliness, new unexpected experiences, escape, and side-splitting laughter?” THAT’S what’s been missing!!

Here is what I have discovered has blocked me, and my commitment to changing it. (Wow! I’m saying this in public!) Maybe you can join me!

1) I have been thinking I need to schedule “fun” events for “when I have time.”

I expressed that I needed more fun to the attendees of my Vision Workshop last week, and, lo and behold, I received a couple of amazing fun invitations from people I absolutely love! But, at first I could feel myself resisting it. What!! I could feel myself fearing it would interfere with my work commitments; that it might (hear this) take too much time! But joy energizes so won’t it only enhance my work time? If I wait until I have time – well, I won’t have much time. New Commitment: I can schedule work around my opportunities for fun and joy.

2) I think I need to be an adult; sometimes I need to act like a child

Being an adult can be stressful. Children – icons of play and fun – do almost everything in the moment. When they tire of an activity, they stop and go to something new. But, for me, the adult, the suggestion of an unexpected invitation to lunch, a surprise mid-day walk on the beach, or an unplanned stop at the park strikes a chord of overwhelm, rather than the source of re-vitalizing one’s life. I think: “Don’t these people know I have a schedule? I can’t just drop everything!” But, I have been changing this in the past 6 months, and am now finding these surprise adventures some of my most enjoyable times. No one has had a crisis because I went on a walk or shopped for art, but I returned a more energized, passionate entrepreneur.

3) Not everything achieves a goal; pointless activity is good.

As a vision and goals coach, I tend to be activity focused, so I am better at “fun” if it comes with meeting a goal. The doctor says to relax because it’s good for my heart; I attend a fun event where I can also network; and so forth. But, here’s the truth. My adorable husband is the most grounded person in the Universe, and we experience the most laughter and silliness going to Costco or Home Depot. We have always been a somewhat Seinfeld-like couple where our best times are doing absolutely nothing. Yes, we do travel and do some exotic things, but we don't need to. In fact, we seem to gravitate toward large wholesale stores for our best times – we don’t usually buy much – but the walking around the store watching the people and playing with the shopping cart has brought us hours of amusement. We love Palm Desert – and their Wal-Mart! I have learned that most of what I experience as joyful is in the moment, and often entirely pointless….and incredibly rewarding.

My conclusions are that I need to be more spontaneous, say yes more, and be in the flow more. The resulting passion, energy and varied experiences will bond me to the people around me, and actually cause me to be a more effective service provider and business woman.

Well, now that I have confessed, what about you? I’d love to hear about some of your thoughts about fun in your life and what kind of role it plays. I have no workshop on it and no offer here – just my personal thoughts to start of the New Year!!

Love to hear yours.

How to Control Overwhelm

“Overwhelm” seems to be more the norm than the unusual today. We’ve grown used to being “overwhelmed” as a way of life, but did you know it can rob you of your motivation, your health, your relationships, your financial stability and your overall well being?

When we are facing a career change or major life transition or thinking about what we’re going to do next, we can feel overwhelmed even when we are doing nothing. The thoughts in our head just take up so much space!

But, you CAN do something about it. It’s not HAPPENING to you. It is the result of certain behaviors and mindsets, and I’m going to talk about some of them over the next few weeks so that you can join me in DECIDING that this is no longer a useful coping mechanism.

Are you ready to do something about it? I am. You CAN change this destructive habit, and in the next weeks we’re going to tackle this together.

So let’s start by discussing the concept of “time.”

Yep, when we’re overwhelmed, we feel a constriction of time. Time is like having a limited amount of space in a drawer, and an infinite amount of things to put it in it. Everyday people around us are constantly making up new things for us to put in our 24 hour drawer. The list is growing and expanding as we speak. (Well, I’m writing.) Yet, there is still only the same amount of space in that drawer.

In fact, our language is often about feeling “jammed up,” “tight,” and, well, “overwhelmed,” because our drawer is overly full.

It’s important to note that mental energy has the power to really fill up the drawer! There’s nothing like a solid negative thought to get your drawer filled to the brim.

The drawer is the same for everyone, by the way. I have the same 24 hours in a day that you do. But, those who are centered, focused, satisfied and fulfilled make different choices than some of us who are rushed and overwhelmed all the time. They choose wisely what they put in their "drawer," and what they leave out of it. And, they make no attempt to do it ALL. They are content with choosing less in their drawer – and enjoying it more.

According to Jeffrey Davidson, a time "attitude" consultant, "the mega-realities of life in America are that there are too many people, too much information and limitless choices. The one thing that isn’t limitless is time - there is only so much a person can accomplish in a day. Those ever growing realities make learning to ’manage’ your time only a short term solution," says Davidson.

So, you can see, that tomorrow, next week, next month next year, the demands on your time are going to be greater. You no sooner get a handle on your current situation then 6 …or 20…. new things show up, and your time management plan is a shambles.

Now let’s go back to the drawer. The quality of your life is determined by what you choose to put in your drawer …and what you leave out every day.

What qualifies as a “choice?” You have made a choice when you say “Yes, I’ll do that.” Or “yes, I’m going to buy into that negative idea.”

So, how do you determine what goes in and what gets left out?

Passion goes in. Dreams, visions, fun, laughter and creativity go in. Anything that captures your imagination and makes your spirit soar goes in. Time with family, Disneyland, nature and self-renewal go in the drawer.

For some amazing reason, passion, joy, balance and play actually increases space in your drawer. That energy creates more energy.
It also keeps the negative thinking quiet as well.

But most of us fill up our 24 Hour Drawer with less than meaningful activity, stressful work, and bland relationships in hopes that somehow, someday there will be "extra" time to pursue something we care more about. It doesn’t work. It only makes you feel more hopeless and helpless…which starts another round of space filling negative thinking.

So, make a note to start to remove energy draining activity, meaningless tasks and anything that doesn’t inspire you…OUT of the drawer. If you are wondering how to determine that, sentences that begin with “I have to, ought to and should” tell you what needs to go out.

These are all things that you are resisting and don’t make you feel good, and will trigger negative thinking which triggers even more overwhelm.

But you may be thinking, “What will I do about my responsibilities?”

In my next article I will talk about exactly that.

But, right now, I suggest you begin to become aware of your drawer. What are you putting in your drawer and what could you leave out?

This is the beginning of releasing overwhelm.