The Best Kind of Valentine

For many people, Valentine’s is a tough day.   If you don’t have a partner right now, you may feel lonely and like everyone in the world is in love except you.  If you have a partner, you may feel they don’t love you enough, or the right way, or they aren’t giving you the sentiment you desire.  (Some partners wish they could forget the day entirely except they are harassed into acknowledging it – my husband included.)

Valentine’s Day can be a loser, but all this love is dependent on “GETTING LOVE”… from other people in order to FEEL loved.  But, what if feeling loved, nurtured and taken care of was not dependent on anyone else? What if you could do it yourself?                   

You can.  It’s called SELF LOVE, and that is the best kind – at least the most reliable kind – of Valentine love, and there is no better holiday to practice it than on this one. What might that look like?  Here’s 5 steps on creating a day filled with love:

1. Start the day with a gratitude list of anything (absolutely anything) good that has happened to you in the past 24 hours.  Feel your heart open and love pour out the more grateful you are.  Gratitude is the foundation for all abundance; it’s a good practice.
2. Give yourself a total day off from your critical inner voice. Protect that fragile inner part of yourself that carries your greatest passions and hopes – and greatest fears.  Talk gently and kindly to yourself all day and feel the wellspring of good that opens up for you.
3. Do something passionate. Endorphins, here you come!  Self-Love is about connecting to yourself – what you love and desire. Most of our time is spent on "getting stuff done."  This is a great day to take a painting class, ride your bike, go to Zumba, get a massage or anything that nurtures your true nature.  It’s important to get back in touch with who you really are and what you really want. It is the source of all your success and happiness.
4. Do something for someone less fortunate.  Some of us spend way too much time focusing on what we don’t have, comparing ourselves with others, and bemoaning our fate. A few hours working with a homeless person, volunteering for at risk kids, or getting help for someone with an addiction problem or anything like that can change your entire perspective very quickly.  Suddenly, life is not so bad, your problems not so big and your heart is filled with gratitude and love.  Service to others is a high form of love to all.
5. Get Support.   Why would you send yourself out in the world alone? It’s YOUR responsibility to make notes of those who love you and make you feel good about yourself and to then SPEND TIME with them.  DO NOT spend time with anyone who echoes those critical voices! Join activity groups, special interest groups, networking organizations, masterminds and any form of support. They will bolster you and you won't feel so alone.

So why is a success coach talking about loving yourself on Valentine’s Day?  If you look at the 5 steps above and applied them to your career or business, I think you can see it could have a dramatically positive impact.

But, for now, look at it as a recipe for a wonderful Valentine’s Day filled with self-love and good feelings - with or without a partner!   

Happy Valentine's!!

The 3 Phases of Transition

When I was in the 4th Grade, my teacher explained the process of how a perfectly good caterpillar morphed into this icky looking thing called a cocoon and then eventually evolved into a beautiful butterfly. I learned then that there are 3 simple stages of change and transition that are universal. You may be in one of them right now.

Are you facing a transition? Maybe you are thinking about changing a careers or the way you do your business. Maybe you want to do something different with your life, but you have no idea what that would be. Perhaps you are retiring or are recently divorced. Have you moved or experienced the loss of someone you love? Here are the 3 phases of typical life transitions that everyone experiences:

Phase 1:  SOMETHING GOES WRONG.  

They all begin the same way: with an end.  You lose a job, an important client, or even a loved one. It is the END of something, all new beginnings start with an ending.

Suddenly you no longer identify with the person you have been, but you are nowhere near the person you want to become – and maybe don’t even have any idea who this new person will be.

Phase 2:   THE EMPTY SPACE.

You are at the edge of one cliff, seeking the other side, but with a sense of emptiness and loss in between. It’s literally the bridge in between. It feels like a void. It is a void. You are grieving.

How do you get through it? Here is my advice:

1) Don’t rush.

 
This is a time when you need to internalize more than externalize. Take time to be alone. Don’t rush through this stage even though it’s uncomfortable. (Most of us are desperate to get through it which actually prolongs it.) This time is the fertile ground upon which you building your life as a butterfly. Spend some time exploring possible visions of a new future. You will not only feel better, but the energy of the new visions will actually be creating it.

2) Discover More About Yourself

Get clearer about your deeper self. It will pay off handsomely. Find out more about what really inspires, motivates and impassions you. It may be time to make new choices, and you want to base it on fresh information.

3) Get support.

 
As a Mentoring and Mastermind coach, I believe there is magic in being with others who are also going through transitions. You are not alone. Support eases the pain considerably.

Phase 3:  RENEWAL.  Stage 3 of transition, is the butterfly emerging. Remember, we are always renewing ourselves – whether we choose to or not. It’s part of life. But while the “cocoon” part is still icky, there is no doubt you will evolve into a butterfly.

Transition is not a punishment, nor the ending of your life. It is the ending of some part of your life for sure, but that is only because you have a New Beginning coming. We tend not to see that. We handle our endings badly because – well, we see them ONLY as endings.

So, for whatever endings you may be experiencing, remember it is the signal that a New Beginning is coming.

If you're in this process and would like some help, be sure to check out our programs.

Mary Lyn

Entrepreneurs: Still Doing It Last Year's Way?

I recently celebrated an anniversary with a friend and I asked if she wanted to go back to a place we had been to before. Surprisingly, she replied emphatically, "Oh, not at all. We've already been there. Let's go someplace that doesn't represent where we've been, but where we're going."

How often, I thought, have I chosen to go back to the same place because I am familiar with it? The process of choosing a new meeting place with my friend became a larger metaphor for life.
What represents the future to you? This is a very different question from “What worked before?” After all, in this new economy, almost nothing works like it did before. We are forced to give up a lot of old ideas and fill in with something very different and new. What is that for you?

A client came to me because her thriving business was connected to real estate and her income had plummeted. We had to step back and go beyond how it was before and create whole new strategy and vision for her business based on her talents and what people need NOW. She had to adjust, let go, and commit to a new path. It was unfamiliar, but turned out to be much more profitable. She got the clarity and support she needed to create an entirely new approach to her life and work. I believe that is what makes the difference.

We cannot do it like we did before on a myriad of levels. What went before is over. It’s not going to “go back.” There isn’t going to be a “do-over.” The real issue is “What are you going to do NOW!” Your clients, bosses and colleagues have new needs; how are you going to use your passion and talents to meet these needs? Therein lay the seed to your success. These are the questions we all need to ask ourselves at various junctures in our life, no matter what the economy.

One of the old ideas is that you can do it on your own. That rugged individualistic ethic came over with the pilgrims who, by the way, did nothing alone. They were entirely a community based society. Community works because you need ideas that are not yours! I know my mind automatically takes me back to "where I've already been." It's trained to do that. Without new input, I only know how to do old things. (That’s one of the many reasons why our Mastermind community (www.firedupforsuccess.com/mastermind.htm) work so well.) Community gives you resources and feedback you would never have on your own.

The formula is this: Your talent and passion + meeting real (or perceived) needs + a strong support system for regular feedback and resources = success. If you want to experience something more promising, more profitable and new, you have to DO something new.

When I thought about what my friend had said, I did some soul searching and then asked for feedback. It made me realize I want to go in the direction of more laughter, fun and freedom, along with some risk and adventure…and maybe some just plain childhood fantasy.
So where did I go with my friend? Disneyland!

What are you doing to let go of the old way of doing things which may actually be hurting you, your career and your business and re-engineer yourself to meet today’s needs? If you want a fresh strategy, read more at www.firedupforsuccess.com/coaching.htm.